10 Things That Sound Dirty On Halloween, But Aren’t… 1. So…What’d you get in the sack? 2. Once you get under the sheet, start moaning and groaning!!! 3. Just hop on that broomstick and ride it! 4. Those small suckers are gone in a few licks! 5. I got the best piece from that house. 6. Quit screwing around on the porch!!! 7. Stick your hand in and guess what you’re feeling…. 8. It was so filled and heavy, I had to use TWO hands!! 9. They’ll suck you dry if they get their teeth in you. 10. I bobbed and bobbed, but couldn’t get my mouth around it! On October 31st, 0834, All Hallows Eve (Halloween) was first observed to honor the saints....
More »

There was a businessman, and he was feeling really sick, and he went to see the Doctor about it. The doctor says to him, “Well, it must be your diet, what sort of greens do you eat?” The man replies, “Well, actually, I only eat peas, I hate all other green foods.” The doctor was quite shocked at this and says, “Well man, that’s your problem, all those peas will be clogging up your system, you’ll have to give them up!!” The guy says, “But for how long, I mean I really like peas!” The doctor replies, “Forever, I’m afraid” The man is quite shocked by this, but he gives it a go and sure enough, his condition improves, so he realizes that he...
More »

All the fraternity brothers left the house for a long weekend except for Grady, who decided to stay behind and get some studying done. One night Grady heard a noise under his bed. Fearing it might be a burglar, he leaned over and whispered, “Anybody there?” “No,” said the burglar. “That’s funny,” the boy said to himself. “I could have sworn I heard a noise!” October 29th, 1833, Psi Upsilon, the first US college fraternity to have a fraternity house was founded at Union College in New York, was also a member of the Secret Society known as the Delphian Scociety. I know what your all thinking, but the Skulls in that damn movie, were not real. They were loosely (I use the term...
More »

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus. “It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said. “Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.” The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?” “Yes, indeed,” said his guide. “He wrote a check.” On October 28th, 1954, the Nobel Prize for literature was awarded to Ernest Hemingway “for his mastery of the art of narrative, most recently demonstrated in The Old Man and the Sea, and for the influence that he has exerted on contemporary style“. Knock, knock. Who’s there. Husk of a man, amassed in emptiness. Husk of a man, amassed in emptiness, who....
More »

Confuscious Say “To prevent hangover stay drunk!” “Passionate kiss like spider’s web – soon lead to undoing of fly.” “Virginity like bubble. One prick – all gone!” “Foolish man give wife grand piano. Wise man give wife upright organ.” “Man who walk thru airport turnstyle sideways going to BANGkok.” “Man with one chopstick go hungry.” “Penis put in vacuum cleaner get sucked off.” “Woman who eat banana get cream in mouth.” “Man trapped in whore house get jerked around.” “Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.” “Man with tool in woman’s mouth, not necessarily a dentist.” “Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.” “Man with hand in pocket is having a ball.” “Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot...
More »

A 1930 Ford Model A used by bank robber John Dillinger to evade federal agents sold at auction Saturday for $165,000… effectively doubling Ford Motor Company’s earnings for the quarter. On October 26th, 1901, the first use of a “getaway car” occurred after holding up a shop in Paris. I’m not saying I have ever been getaway driver for theft, but in my younger days, I was always the speed demon driving everyone away from the scene of some prank or another. So celebrate all the great movie scenes and good plots, by having the “Dew-Driver”
More »

Yoko Ono will never use an environmentally friendly car – because they are not as comfortable as her Bentley. The wife of late Beatle John Lennon has snubbed the Hybrid car – which is popular with Brad Pitt, Cameron Diaz and Leonardo Di Caprio for its low pollution levels – in favor of traveling in luxury. She says, “Can someone make Hybrid cars as comfortable as a Bentley, please?” What would John say? On October 25th 1968, Yoko Ono announced she is having John Lennon’s baby. Why not, She already started to tear the band apart at this point, why not finish it off with a screaming, puking little germ bag. That should help with the creative genius. What does Yoko have in common...
More »

A paperboy said to a customer one day, “Mr. Smith, I wish I had twenty customers like you.” “Gosh, that’s nice to hear,” said Smith, “but I’m kind of surprised considering I never tip all that well and always pay late.” The paperboy said, “I know, but I’d still like twenty customers like you. The problem is I have one hundred and forty!” On October 24th, 1938, the U.S. forbids the use of child labor in factories. What are these child labor laws I speak of, you ask? Who Cares! Look, I get it, parents care about their children. But I think if you want them to learn the value of a good days work, you should start ‘em young. Who’s with me? For...
More »